Doubt Vs. Faith

I haven’t been making many posts lately because I want to only post positive things—but lately I haven’t been feeling very positive. My ongoing soft tissue injuries are still causing me pain every single day; as a result, I haven’t been able to exercise at all for what seems like a lifetime (but in reality has been only two months). This has seriously impacted me socially (as a new immigrant I haven’t made many friends yet, and most people I have met, I’ve done so at the gym) and psychologically (I feel fat and useless).

I know that I can’t just wallow in my negative feelings forever. I know that I should still love myself, that I should give myself a break. I know I should take comfort in the fact that I’m doing everything I can do to get over this slump: I’m going to all the physiotherapy/massage therapy sessions, I’m taking the medication prescribed by the doctor, and I’m even trying turmeric supplements and Chinese traditional cupping. However, sometimes your head knows something, but it takes time for your heart to catch up.

Truth be told, a part of me is wondering if I can be completely healed. My doctor has said that perhaps I should not expect recovery to be 100%; I should count myself lucky if I get to perform daily functions without pain. But I feel that I’m still young! Young-ish anyway. I train in kickboxing and BJJ. I scuba dive. I still have a whole life ahead of me, yet I’m told I may not fully recover. I may not be able to do what I love anymore. My heart is so heavy, and I don’t know what to do with this information, to believe it or to deny it.

When will the pain in my body ever end?

Me on my last diving trip to Palau. I'll be devastated if I can't ever do this again.

I saw the following quote today, and it really spoke to me:

“Sometimes you simply have to stop fretting, wondering, and doubting.  Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be.”

Yes, I know that doubting and fretting won’t help me get anywhere. I know that I have to trust that things will work out—even if it’s not what I had planned—but that it will be how it’s meant to be; and if it’s meant to be, it must be what works out best for me in the end. If it’s the best for me in the end, I will be able to have peace. Knowing that helps me a tiny bit. Trusting in something that has not yet happened—that’s faith right?

So this is my game plan: distraction. Every time I feel the doubt creep in, I’m going to distract myself with something else so my head won’t be bombarded with negativity. Every time I feel the fear that I may not heal, I’m going to distract myself. Every time I feel my condition is stalling and not progressing, I will distract myself. I really hope with all the distraction, my heart will catch up with my head and I can firmly believe in my recovery.

Quote of the day 28062017

Yay, quote of the day is back! I haven't shared as many quotes as I had anticipated because frankly I haven't really came across many that really touched my heart. This one, though, really hit home as soon as I read it.

 "You alone get to choose what matters and what does not.  The meaning of everything in your life has precisely the meaning you give it."

Yes, it's so true! When we were little, our parents taught us how to think; as we grew up, teachers and friends further shaped the way we think. However, ultimately we are the ones responsible for our own lives; we alone make the choices that will affect our own happiness. Other people's values and opinions can only be used as a reference because they are not living our lives! So whether it's a personal goal or love interest or political stance or even being wronged by someone... Don't assign it a value based on someone else's priorities. Base it on your own!

Afterthought: There's power in choosing what matters and what does not. We can choose to not be reduced by the negative things in our lives!

Prerequisites

Prerequisites. This word comes up when you are either applying for a course or a job--but what about life? What are the prerequisites of having a healthy, happy life?

Having a functional body? Having a loving family? Having lots of money and material goods? Have a successful career? I think the answer is different for everyone and might even be a combination of answers.

I read something interesting today: "Confidence is not a prerequisite to present and future performance." Confidence comes from the success of previous experience, so if you're venturing into new territory you may not be very confident--but that doesn't mean you won't be able to achieve whatever you set out to do. I really think this applies to our lives as well. Think about starting healthy habits like eating right, exercising more, not holding onto grudges, positive thinking... all of these things actually don't require confidence--they just require us to actually start doing!

Like I've shared in a previous post--I've never been good at sports in the past. When I started kickboxing last year and then subsequently Brazilian jiu jitsu this year, I was afraid; I was afraid that it may be too hard for me and that I wasn't going to stick with it. And a lot of days I don't actually want to leave the house and workout and get all sweaty; a lot of times I wanted to do something else with my time. But I just decided to take it one day at a time and just show up (sometimes by bribing myself with the promise of a treat). I don't think about any grand goals like losing 10lb or getting six pack abs or being able to run a marathon or anything like that. I don't even think about giving my best during the workout. I just think: today I'll show up to the gym.

Just show up. That's the prerequisite! :)

 

Quote of the day 16052017

There are a lot of blog posts that I plan to put up... I just need time to organize my thought and write them down! So in the meantime, instead of posting something every two weeks, I've decided to pepper this blog with little bits of ideas/encouragement/inspirations. It will be more interesting for you and manageable workload for me. :)

So here's the first one:

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."

I read this online, and it really struck a chord with me. I'm type A, OCD-isk person and I tend to be really hard on myself as well as others. For me, negativity is natural, and I really have to work hard consciously to choose a positive perspective. So yeah, I totally agree with this quote--no matter how much you think, how high level your thoughts are, at the end of the day if they are all negative thoughts you will not feel happy; reversely just a sprinkle of gratefulness can change your day drastically.

Here's to happy thoughts and a happy day ahead!

Cheers y'all.