Boxing And I

Growing up, I was more bookworm than athlete, and I didn’t think I could enjoy any particular sport nor be any good at one. So it was a big surprise, even for me, that many years later I would be an active member of a boxing gym.

It first started with an aerobics class. I was in university at the time, and I signed up at the local gym. Although I wasn’t “sporty”, I really enjoyed doing simple weights and attending classes. The classes were part of a series of fitness classes called Les Mills; my favorites were the yoga/Pilates classes called Body Balance and an aerobics class called Body Step—it was so popular that it required reservation and lining up at the door in advance to snag a good spot in the classroom. One time, as I couldn’t get into a Body Step class, I decided to attend the next class: Body Combat. Body Combat is basically doing aerobics with kickboxing moves; it is similar to workouts like Tai Bo. Needless to say, I had a blast in the class! I also discovered that unlike some of the other sports that I’ve tried in the past (like basketball, football, volleyball, soccer, hockey… etc.), I was actually good at this! The moves were not too difficult or too varied, and my form actually looked good. In fact, occasionally fellow classmates complimented me and asked for advice on certain moves.

Fast-forward ten years, and I’ve been a regular at Body Combat—still having great fun. Out of the blue one day, my brother texted me and told me about an anime series that he’s been enjoying; it was called “Hajime no Ippo” and it was about a boy who gets into boxing. Thanks to his recommendation, I started watching the anime and became totally infatuated with it! Besides being full of action and drama, the anime took care to explain basic techniques in boxing and the rules of competition, so I wasn’t just enjoying it—I was actually learning as well. I really think that anime made me fall in love with the sport of boxing. I started paying more attention to the real sport, watching and following matches.

Fast-forward yet again a few years later, I’ve moved to a new country with my husband. I had no job, no family, and few friends—but a lot of time on my hands. One day as I was shutting down annoying Facebook ads, I saw an ad offering a free trial at 30 Minute Hit, a female boxing gym near me. What do I have to lose? I decided to give it a try. I did the boxing circuit and went through those familiar moves—jabs, crosses, hooks, upper cuts--but I was no longer just punching the air! I was hitting various pads and bags with real resistance; my technique and power were put to the test, and I loved it! So I joined the gym on the spot and has been a regular ever since (before the car accident which forced me to take time off).

 

When I first started

I rarely missed a chance to box--even the weather can't stop me!

Fighter in the snow!

I still have much to learn and improve, and I really don’t think I’ll compete in matches, but boxing is definitely something I’ll be doing for a long time. I love that it’s a sport which combines cardio and resistance training, and I love how I feel when I’m hitting and kicking away. Getting into boxing has also allowed me to make some friends—not only at the gym but also as a point of conversation outside of gym setting. I’m thankful that I was able to find joy and accomplishment through boxing, and I hope that I’ll recover soon so I can get back to it!

Doubt Vs. Faith

I haven’t been making many posts lately because I want to only post positive things—but lately I haven’t been feeling very positive. My ongoing soft tissue injuries are still causing me pain every single day; as a result, I haven’t been able to exercise at all for what seems like a lifetime (but in reality has been only two months). This has seriously impacted me socially (as a new immigrant I haven’t made many friends yet, and most people I have met, I’ve done so at the gym) and psychologically (I feel fat and useless).

I know that I can’t just wallow in my negative feelings forever. I know that I should still love myself, that I should give myself a break. I know I should take comfort in the fact that I’m doing everything I can do to get over this slump: I’m going to all the physiotherapy/massage therapy sessions, I’m taking the medication prescribed by the doctor, and I’m even trying turmeric supplements and Chinese traditional cupping. However, sometimes your head knows something, but it takes time for your heart to catch up.

Truth be told, a part of me is wondering if I can be completely healed. My doctor has said that perhaps I should not expect recovery to be 100%; I should count myself lucky if I get to perform daily functions without pain. But I feel that I’m still young! Young-ish anyway. I train in kickboxing and BJJ. I scuba dive. I still have a whole life ahead of me, yet I’m told I may not fully recover. I may not be able to do what I love anymore. My heart is so heavy, and I don’t know what to do with this information, to believe it or to deny it.

When will the pain in my body ever end?

Me on my last diving trip to Palau. I'll be devastated if I can't ever do this again.

I saw the following quote today, and it really spoke to me:

“Sometimes you simply have to stop fretting, wondering, and doubting.  Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be.”

Yes, I know that doubting and fretting won’t help me get anywhere. I know that I have to trust that things will work out—even if it’s not what I had planned—but that it will be how it’s meant to be; and if it’s meant to be, it must be what works out best for me in the end. If it’s the best for me in the end, I will be able to have peace. Knowing that helps me a tiny bit. Trusting in something that has not yet happened—that’s faith right?

So this is my game plan: distraction. Every time I feel the doubt creep in, I’m going to distract myself with something else so my head won’t be bombarded with negativity. Every time I feel the fear that I may not heal, I’m going to distract myself. Every time I feel my condition is stalling and not progressing, I will distract myself. I really hope with all the distraction, my heart will catch up with my head and I can firmly believe in my recovery.

No Halvesies

I have a friend who has been a serial monogamist since middle school. After many girlfriends and flings, he is still single and awaiting happiness. Every time he begins a new relationship, he would declare that he has found “the one” and that everything in his life would fall into place; and every time the relationship breaks down, he wonders why “the one” couldn’t love him for who he is.

The thing is, even if he really found “the one” I doubt he could be truly happy.

Happiness is hard to define, but by the process of elimination, I can tell you that happiness can’t be bought by money. It can’t be ensured by a good education or a prestigious job. So by that token, why should it be guaranteed by a relationship? Why should one person’s happiness be the responsibility of another? Why should one person’s life be the responsibility of another? Just imagine how much pressure “the one” must feel—and then it’s no wonder that no one wants to be “the one”.

I think it’s actually the opposite way around: to have a happy relationship and a happy life, you have to be happy with yourself first. There’s no point waiting for someone else to come fill the void in your heart—fill it yourself with something that is meaningful to you personally! There is no point waiting for a “better half” to come to your rescue because we are perfectly capable of being whole. Only when we are whole can we truly be content, and happiness ceases to be just a mood but a state of being.

How to become whole? Well, it starts practically in a small way: it’s how you think and the message that you tell yourself everyday. Embrace all the good things big and small that come into your life. Things don’t go your way? Don’t wallow in sorrow but put things into an objective perspective, and move on. Don’t take happiness for granted; like everything else worth having, it takes practice. It also takes honesty too. If my friend really wanted to find “the one”, he should be totally honest with himself and reflect on the core issues within his relationships; he should then take actions to amend those issues so they don’t repeat themselves in future relationships. Blindly searching for “the one” won’t work in the long term, but becoming someone whom “the one” will be attracted to just may.

Patience

I am not a patient person. I like to get things done straight away and receive immediate results or gratification. And so I’m having a lot of trouble with the soft tissue injuries that I’ve sustained during the car accident; these injuries also stirred up my existing injury in my left shoulder until my whole neck and shoulders have become so stiff and painful I couldn’t even dress/undress without my husband’s help. Consequently my doctor and physiotherapist have banned me from physical exercise for 8 weeks. I can only walk and do the prescribed muscle exercises given to me—but no running, no yoga, and of course definitely no boxing or jiu-jitsu.

It’s been like a prison sentence.

I never knew how much I enjoy exercise, or how much I depended on exercise to take my mind off daily stress. Now that I can’t do it, something just doesn’t feel right to me; and I also feel an unexpected sense of loss.

The thing with soft tissue injuries is that they require time to heal. Allowing medication, physiotherapy, and my body time enough to heal is key. I’m not a patient person, so the past few weeks have been agony. But I know from previous experience with my left shoulder that if I do not follow instructions and allow rest, these injuries may follow me far into the future and ruin my quality of life. So I know that I have to give myself this love, this time of rest and healing.

“In the meantime, love yourself in a different way,” said one of my boxing trainers.

Yes, sometimes we can’t control what is happening in our lives—but we can control how we react to these things. I can choose to fight against it, or I can use what has happened as motivation for a positive change. Perhaps this is a chance for me to practice loving and accepting myself. Perhaps it is a challenge for me to set positive body image despite not being able to exercise. Perhaps it is time for me to address other areas in my life to improve upon.

I will try my best to have patience and to take things slow. It goes against my personality, and I really hate the feeling of standing still in one place, not moving forward. Perhaps that’s what I need to work on. But I also believe true change takes time—the change needs to implemented time and time again, until it become a good habit—until it can withstand the test of time. My trainer shared once that when an egg is broken by outside forces, life is taken; but when the egg is broken from within the shell, life is birthed. How much time is needed for that little life to grow, develop, and blossom? When the time is right. And so I await the positive changes in my life. One day at a time.

Lemonade

We’ve all heard the saying “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It’s a concept that’s easy to understand but extremely hard to practice in real life.

We got handed some lemons recently. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were driving home from a lovely outing to the beach. We stopped at an intersection, waiting for the red light; out of no where a car hits us from the rear at around 40~50 km/h, pushing our car into the middle of the intersection.

Luckily, my husband and I were not severely injured.

However, we both sustained soft tissue injuries, and my old shoulder injury was exacerbated—to the point that I could not physically put on a pullover shirt. I was disappointed and sad because, after years of rehabilitation and conditioning, I am now back to taking painkillers and muscle-relaxants again. Not only will I have to halt my boxing and BJJ, I will now have to return to physiotherapy (for who knows how long?).

Adding to that is the fact that our beloved car will most likely be totaled despite so much love and work we put into it in recent months.

All this is trouble enough, not to mention the amount of “work” required for the insurance claim; all the evidence must be collected, all the procedures followed, and all the paperwork submitted.

It’s easy to get lost amidst all the things life throws at you. Sometimes there seems to be no hope, no possibility of a positive outcome. “How the hell do I get a lesson out of all this?” you ask yourself; and sometimes you think, “I didn’t ask to be taught a lesson. Just leave me alone!” I totally understand because that what I think too.

But let me ask you something: do bad things ever stop happening because of your reaction?

No. Bad things happen, and regardless of how we respond, the bad things will follow through with their consequences. For example, when our plane was delayed in Mexico, causing us to miss our connecting flight, which meant missing out on prepaid accommodation and tour—a chain of negative events that we couldn’t do anything about. So we did all the things we were supposed to do and made all the inquiries and complaints to relevant departments. Then we chose to move on. We moved on because we knew we couldn’t fight life. Life never stops for anyone. Time never stops for anyone. We do all that we can, and then we just have to accept the outcome. Screaming, crying, and worry may be how we cope—but they never can change consequences or outcomes. On the other hand, if we can accept the outcome (even if grudgingly), then it’s possible for us to see that our lives are much, much more than just this one event; then we realize that we still have much, much more to be thankful for. When you can find the sugar, you can make the lemon into lemonade.

So I now have to learn to do exactly that: worry less. This week I’ve done all the things I can do to recover from the accident; I’ve stayed away from physical training, I’ve taken all my prescribed medications, I’ve taken our car to be appraised, and I’ve filed all the insurance claim papers. Now it’s time to breathe and be grateful for all the other things in life. It’s time to make some lemonade.