No Halvesies

I have a friend who has been a serial monogamist since middle school. After many girlfriends and flings, he is still single and awaiting happiness. Every time he begins a new relationship, he would declare that he has found “the one” and that everything in his life would fall into place; and every time the relationship breaks down, he wonders why “the one” couldn’t love him for who he is.

The thing is, even if he really found “the one” I doubt he could be truly happy.

Happiness is hard to define, but by the process of elimination, I can tell you that happiness can’t be bought by money. It can’t be ensured by a good education or a prestigious job. So by that token, why should it be guaranteed by a relationship? Why should one person’s happiness be the responsibility of another? Why should one person’s life be the responsibility of another? Just imagine how much pressure “the one” must feel—and then it’s no wonder that no one wants to be “the one”.

I think it’s actually the opposite way around: to have a happy relationship and a happy life, you have to be happy with yourself first. There’s no point waiting for someone else to come fill the void in your heart—fill it yourself with something that is meaningful to you personally! There is no point waiting for a “better half” to come to your rescue because we are perfectly capable of being whole. Only when we are whole can we truly be content, and happiness ceases to be just a mood but a state of being.

How to become whole? Well, it starts practically in a small way: it’s how you think and the message that you tell yourself everyday. Embrace all the good things big and small that come into your life. Things don’t go your way? Don’t wallow in sorrow but put things into an objective perspective, and move on. Don’t take happiness for granted; like everything else worth having, it takes practice. It also takes honesty too. If my friend really wanted to find “the one”, he should be totally honest with himself and reflect on the core issues within his relationships; he should then take actions to amend those issues so they don’t repeat themselves in future relationships. Blindly searching for “the one” won’t work in the long term, but becoming someone whom “the one” will be attracted to just may.